Zombie Movie Review: Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil: Retribution

Running time: 96 minutes | IMDB Rating: 5.9 | Genre: Action, Horror, Sci-Fi | Release: September 2012
Director: Paul W. S. Anderson
Cast: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Bingbing Li
ZSG Rating: 5/10

Synopsis (from IMDB): Alice fights alongside a resistance movement in the continuing battle against the Umbrella Corporation and the undead.

 

My Review

You know those cut scenes in video games, where you get the basics of the plot in a short movie, and then you play through all the mindless killing of monsters so you can get to the next cut scene, and next segment of the storyline?

Well, this movie was the exact opposite of that.

It’s a 90 minute clip of watching someone play a video game level where he has to kill a load of zombies and get to a helicopter.

I’m serious, that’s pretty much it.

There are some highlights, though.

The first intro played backwards was cool.  The second intro was awesome.  The “second intro” part will make sense when you see it.

That’s about it for highlights.

But, what I found most interesting is that I wasn’t bored.  It was non-stop action, without much acting, and while there was nothing special throughout, the movie itself flew by.

Plus I’m pretty much a sucker for a bunch of hot chicks kicking ass.

There was also a between-the-lines plot tidbit most reviews on IMDB seem to miss: it would seem that the Umbrella Corporation isn’t the bad guy, but just the facilitator.  Watch out for that.

You get told at the end of the movie that the resistance group are preparing to make their last stand.  Guess there will be at least 1 more movie.

If you’re a true fan, you’ll watch this anyway.  If you’re not a true fan, but think you probably need to watch it in case you want to see the next one – just watch the trailer and save yourself 94 minutes.

Here’s to hoping the next movie has a storyline!

 

Trailer

 

Zombie Details

Cause of: T-Virus
Special abilities: Weird mutations, pretty much a recap of all previously seen in the series
Weapons used against: Mostly guns – which magically appear when you’ve run out of ammo.  Again, this is obviously a video game you’re watching.

Zombie Apocalypse 2012 Halloween Decoration Ideas

October is upon us once again.  This is my favorite time of year – when the leaves turn majestic hues, but still remain on the trees.  They’re much less beautiful when the need to be raked up.

Of course, there are a few other reasons to love this time of year, too – football is back (with real refs!), every treat imaginable now comes in pumpkin flavor, and every zombie fans favorite holiday is right around the corner!

Since this is a site about zombies, we’ll just focus on the Halloween part.  Specifically, here are a couple ideas to help you celebrate a bit more creatively this year.

 

Lawnpocalypse!

Just putting a few zombie lawn gnomes in your yard is sooooo 2011.  No, just like all outdoor decorating holidays, you need to out-duel your neighbors in a nuclear arms race for turf supremacy.

So, this year, it’s gnome zombies vs gnome survivors in an epic battle on your lawn!  Shit just got real.

These nifty guys are being sold by thorssoli on Etsy, and are an obvious answer to any zombie threat that might come your way.

Now all you need to do is set up an outdoor speaker playing sounds from a Rambo movie or something similar, and set up a few landmines.  That will show those trick-or-treaters you mean business!

Okay, so according to my legal team, you should probably leave out the landmines.  And I won’t even suggest replacing them with trip wires and a siren, or a laser grid.  That would be improper of me.

Instead of those, I’ll just suggest a warning sign:

 

Party like it’s the end of the world!

Now that your outdoor decor is covered, it’s time to move inside for a rocking zombie-themed party.

And I’m talking about an adult party here.  Look elsewhere for the kid’s games.

So, first things first – you’ll need some music.  In keeping with the theme, how about some Rob Zombie?

Next, you’ll want to exalt the guest of honor, alcohol!

To zombie up the staples, you can use these zombie beer openers, and zombie wine bottle stoppers.

Also, consider a rum punch, seeing as how zombies and Haitian sugarcane plantations are inextricably linked, and of course rum is made from sugarcane.  And could there be a better way to serve such a punch, than in a zombie punch bowl?

Yeah, okay, it says it’s a cookie jar, but that’s a minor technicality once there’s punch in it.

Oh, and don’t forget the brain shaped ice cubes.  Yep, you read that right.

If your friends are a bit of a rowdier crowd (mine are), you might want to check out these shotgun shell shot glasses.  These are just all around cool.

 

I have to be honest with you though – when it comes to food I don’t recommend getting creative.  Nothing should be green, slimy, or gelatinous unless you’re serving jello shots.

Stick with things you can prepare in a large batch to serve a lot of people.  Pasta, chicken wings, chili, tacos, kabobs, etc can all be prepped ahead of time and finished last minute, or cooked the day before and just reheated.

Don’t over-complicate the food.  Save that energy for clean up.

 

Lastly, you’ll need some sort of entertainment.

Unfortunately, zombie strippers aren’t for everyone.  Maybe that’s a good thing, considering how the vampire stripper thing went in From Dusk Til Dawn.

Maybe something just as fun, but a bit less risque?

Well, you can transform any standard card-based drinking game into a zombie card drinking game.  Pretty basic, but I have a feeling zombie beer pong would get very sloppy very quickly.

And if you’re a bit more geeky…

The always popular Munchkin line of card games has a Zombies version, for 3-6 players and takes 1 hour to complete according to the box (probably more if you’ve been drinking).

Or, for 2-4 players there’s a Walking Dead board game, in which you can play as survivors or zombies.  And of course you could supplement this by hosting your own marathon of the TV series.  Season 1 and season 2 are available to stream right from Amazon, and with season 3 scheduled to premiere on October 14th, you’ll be able to catch up any stragglers mid-season.

Are you excited yet?